A Scanner Darkly

do you know the enemy?
do you know your enemy?

Heh, I don't think so. Pull the plug on me right now before I go any further. Any takers? Nope, I don't think so. So enough beating about the bush and shut the fuck up.

Allow me to explain myself. I'm just the ordinary 'goodbye goodbye you'll never know' boy. So superficial, so immature. Yet, I am still able to identify the difference between a total dick and a stucked up chick. ;)

So wtf's all this is all about anyway?

***

The air is cold, the lights are out. Although I forcefully seized number 1, I secretly adored number 2. Right now there's really something bothering me. This feeling. This feeling. This feeling wrapped me up whole. I don't think I take this anymore. The pressure built is way too high for me to bear with it.

I was raised to believe that there's always a win-win solution to every problem. Now however, the only solution I can think of is that the one we'd taken that doesn't have the desired effect. Least its the only one. Period.

Right now, I'm standing on the rooftops. Screaming my heart out. But to what extend? For what purpose? I wish I know. I was left there un-reason-ed. Without an explanation. A simple answer is all I needed. For what its worth? I dunno.

Loads of stories had been told before. From different extends to different versions. But we chose to left those un-checked ignored. Because deep down we know its all sex, lies and videotapes. Back stabs from others who wish to see the un-desired effect. So to hell with them. We're left misunderstood again. So awkward, so disgraceful, so fucked up.

If I've been given another chance, I'll so make it right this time! We'll make our mark this time! But right now, can we at least said we tried? Or at least, merely say it out to make it sounded like we really had tried? Maybe not. Coz' this is what we got left ; the ability to look pass and right on through.

I begin to wonder if I'd fallen into a plughole. Being me and all ; my heart is an empty one. Reaching me isn't hard but its merely other people's bitter hearts is what it matters the most to you. So what the fuck is there for you to listen to what they have to say? Little girl, you're so in the middle of the ride. :(

Now, can we said we had our fun? Yes. Its the only "yes" I can find in my heart anymore. I have no regrets. If it all ends now I'm so set. As stated before in my older post, the easiest part of letting go is that you pretending you had let it go. This is just fucking true. Agreed 100%. ;) Let's just wait for the bombs to drop shall we? Let's just wait together.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?