Eyes Open

mood : thoughful

earfood : the messenger, linkin park

current location : her's

currently reading : none :)

"sometimes, smaller dreams have to be pushed aside for the larger ones to come" -the ultimate fuckery that i've learned the hard way.


okay. i've been good. very good in fact i've been so unbelievably good that saying this actually sounds wrong. for once, im actually going to class and doing what im supposed to do on time, every time. also, i havent been drinking as much as i used to anymore. plus, my cursings have been greatly reduced to what a sane person would say, adequate and appropriate. and the best part ? i've been nicotine-sober for 9 weeks! 


it wasnt easy, trust me. at times, i feel like digging out my own lungs and chew on it. there were countless of sleepless nights, body itchings and all the other withdrawal symptoms. there was time where i felt that i could give anything for a puff. all in all, i couldnt take it at all :(

but i insisted that i will not give in to my lust for nicotine. and just like that, i left the world i once knew and everything that comes with it behind. every single damn thing, swept under the rug like a pile of dust. a pile of useless and disgusting dust. it was one the hardest thing for me to do at the time and also the only thing i had to do. it wasnt easy at all for me.

thankfully, she was there with me. side by side to help me through one of the hardest journeys of my life. her unconditional love and advice were there every moment of it. she did not give up on me at all so i wasnt fair if i were to given up on her.

and now, a few weeks later, i never felt better. at times it didnt even register in my mind that i was a smoker once too. just the mere thought of it disgusts me now. i feel so much better now that im free from my past. and i couldnt be happier knowing that she still here, enjoying the present and planning for a future, with me, hand in hand.

i guess when life leaves us blind, love really keeps us kind eh ? ;)

Late Night Prose

holy smokes! look ma' im writing again after a fairly extensive hiatus initiated under the pretext of me taking some time off from all of this when in fact, i've been just procrastinating as always due to the lack of "fucktards intolerance" that has been wearing off considering the fact that right now, as of this moment, im living a happy life... :)


having said that, i'm no longer living in a life so miserable where i laugh/get laughed on other's miscreant fucks as always where at the end of the day, a cigarette will always bring butterflies and sunshine-coloured-jello to my tummy so wonderful i would eventually vomit them out...


fortunately for me, the past 3 months or so have taught me to see clearly of what i really want in life and also, helped me see clearly who's there to help me get it, be it within close proximity or remotely, it doesn't really matter... also to much of my horror, who to stay the fuck away from... and with a heavy heart, i did what i thought was for the best for me and dear god, i was right!


for one, i've escaped the deadly noose of nicotine that has been troubling me since forever. it is still in a test phase but i know deep down, this will not just end there. the success of this might as well be credited to someone so special to me, but we'll talk about it later... ;)


also, i've learnt to clean up my own mess unlike last time where i would gladly wait for someone to wipe my ass every time i take a shit, metaphorically. in such honour, i would declare those days are done. no more. out. in the trash.


also it finally came into my epiphany that in life, we dont always get what we want but instead, what we really need is what comes along in the most sneaky ways we could imagine and that is the real test; whether we grab it or lose it while waiting for the wants...


and as always before i end my post, i would like to induce a certain level of false hopes (high enough) to you guys to believe that i will not post anymore ranting posts in the future  hoping that my blog traffic stays the same by a simple line of poor convincing but you know i know thats not gonna happen, so i might as well skip that part eh? ;)


.. ..and of course, readers of my sad little blog, the bombshell of this post!


TADAAAAAA！

meet the lovely lady, Alena Chua Hui En <3

for the past 7 weeks, she has helped me realised a whole loads of things but mostly, she has taught me how to be strong when im at my darkest moment and also how to keep my head held up high even when i've fallen to the deepest of depths. also, she has been there, alongside me, to share the joy of everyday's little or big things and also the pain in every hardship God decides for us to suffer...


i know although it is not been long since we're together, but i have a great feeling about this. And yes, i would definitely wanna make this right. IM SURE I WANNA MAKE THIS RIGHT! 


i <3 you, Alena Chua Hui En ! :)

woke up at an unearthly hour of 1 pm just for the sake of cleaning up the apartment as mom and dad dropped by earlier to pass me my laptop charger. just last sunday, i mindlessly packed my mom's charger instead and she had to drag my dad to come here and get her's back.. true story

on a sidenote, todat i had one of the best ayam penyet in my life for lunch ! more on that later as after all, today is just another lazy friday ;)

Flash Delirium

Jumping into Puddles !

earfood : Hoppipolla, Sigur Rós


fact is, i haven't been blogging for quite some time. heck, not even nearly as often as how i used to be a few months back but this totally can't come as a surprise to you guys since i've pretty much given up on it with the numerous postage of posts-written-on-drunk-mode, half-drunk mode, keyboard-not-working-moments and pure bullshit. truth is, i'm surprise by the fact that i'm still surprised that after all this while, it just finally came into my realization that all of this is going nowhere, set aside a moment where 20 years from, now i open my laptop and type in this address and laugh at my own work of art, or rather pure bullshit. in light of such epiphany, there is a part of me who wants to shut this site down for good and kiss the past 3 years of my blogging life's ass goodbye, and just like every story that has been ever told, there is also a part of me who wants to keep this alive, for as long as it gets...


i find this site very peaceful at times, just like my hideout where i can rant and tell the whole world my part of the story where nobody reads anymore, and explain in squeaky details of other fuck's unfortunate misery and get a good laugh out of it every time i read it and also, to share amongst people, who unfortunately for you, still read my blog, stuff that are awesome and stuff that are not, which is solely based on my opinion and my opinion only. which is plain sad because just yesterday, i read about a blogger whom i used to follow avidly is now being sued alongside Google (yes! Google) for expressing his private opinion on a restaurant in his blog...


which brings me to my second point, i've spent 40 USD and 3 months to finally get this address. so shutting this site down isn't going to do any good for me since i will be wasting a huge part of my life that i've wasted on it the first place..


and finally, i've earned more than RM380+ from Nuffnang ever since i joined them a year back. so this is kinda easy way to earn some side income (like fuck yeah, all i have to do is shit down and share my miserable life with some miserable people and i get paid! wtf right) so yea.., i think i'm still in deep love with this site ;)


on a totally unrelated note, this past month has been unbelievably fun for me... all i can summarize is that i've just taken a roller coaster ride to the highest peak of all peaks and circled the circles of awesomeness, plunged into the sudden death of all deaths and now, it is time for me to get off because it has reached the end of the ride.. although i will definitely miss it badly but it is time for me to go. i deem my ticket is well-worth and i won't regret every single penny i paid for it :) 


goodbye now ;)

things i've changed...
1) the theme of the blog... (a recent study conducted by some awesome people found out that the colour pink can...,wait for it, greatly increase the human's sexual desire ! explanation has yet to be given but nahh, we don't need em')
2) nothing else...

matrix gaga

combining two of the world's most wonderful things can be awesome eh ? step one towards total eccentricism. im drunk please ignore me.